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Have decided to get down to Lj and get this posted here and get some sleep for the night/day - whichever. You decide.
This time round, I am posting here even though I feel slightly tempted to lock it up (I admit), is because I feel that there's no need for me to keep this under tight wraps - Like as if it's a very delicate item that is meant to be a present for your bestie; all wrapped up, with a ribbon over it, and a handwritten card (yes, I am a sucker for such pretty things). since the other party who is involved (& actually the one who created this mess) give no hoots about it.
It's like why bother to keeping things to yourself and caring about how the other party would feel if the entire world were to know about it, when the truth is that, the other party is not caring nor giving any hoot about your feelings and letting people know about it, in a very short span of time?
Okay, sorry. I digressed.
So.
I was taking this particular box off the top part of my table because it's been positioned there for quite some time, from the clear indication of the layer of dust on it. I labelled it: wonderful and awesomeness (& I know that awesomeness is not exactly a proper word) for a reason, and it basically contained the things that've made me smile (genuinely, that is) and things relating to a beautiful memory, or maybe two.
I was looking through the mini pile of handwritten letters, simple scrawlings by a really young human, presents that I've received and as I was flipping through it, I saw the last thing that you gave to me.
I kept everything intact. And when I say everything, I mean, the item, and the memory that comes attached to it.
I find myself asking why this whole issue has been weighing me down so much even though I know that I've completely put my emotions to a halt and is able to completely abort the ability to feel and care for you, the way I used to.
I guess it's only right for me to say that there's a price to pay for everything. Even for not feeling and caring for you, since I've convinced myself to accept the truth, face up to it like a girl (Don't get me started on the whole pregnant issue when it comes to the comparison of which gender is stronger. And oh, the monthly bleeding too.), and continue to live my life better than well, better than how it used to be, alone.
I'm not complaining about it, for I am mega proud of myself - just in case you're wondering.
But it's just that I can't help but to think of how bumpy the road have been till now for the year 2010 - Started off with me plunging all the way down to rock bottom, and seeing me climbing my way up, with lots of tears and perspiration.
&I remember telling my friend about how I wished I could spend the remaining two years of my poly life, peacefully, without any complications involving guys, emotions and relationships, yesterday, during dinner. Then again, there's no promises and we all don't know what will ever happen to us, tomorrow, aint' we?
& so here I am, embracing the month October, with an ulcer on the tip of my tongue, and having to really chiong atw for my supplementary paper on the coming wednesday. And to come and think of it, I'm already 3 hours and 9 minutes into Children's Day 2010 (time accurate as of typing)!
No. I haven't got any idea when was the last time I've actually celebrated Children's Day. Hahaha.
Till I have the time to update this space on the two outings I had with my classmates, again.
This time round, I am posting here even though I feel slightly tempted to lock it up (I admit), is because I feel that there's no need for me to keep this under tight wraps - Like as if it's a very delicate item that is meant to be a present for your bestie; all wrapped up, with a ribbon over it, and a handwritten card (yes, I am a sucker for such pretty things). since the other party who is involved (& actually the one who created this mess) give no hoots about it.
It's like why bother to keeping things to yourself and caring about how the other party would feel if the entire world were to know about it, when the truth is that, the other party is not caring nor giving any hoot about your feelings and letting people know about it, in a very short span of time?
Okay, sorry. I digressed.
So.
I was taking this particular box off the top part of my table because it's been positioned there for quite some time, from the clear indication of the layer of dust on it. I labelled it: wonderful and awesomeness (& I know that awesomeness is not exactly a proper word) for a reason, and it basically contained the things that've made me smile (genuinely, that is) and things relating to a beautiful memory, or maybe two.
I was looking through the mini pile of handwritten letters, simple scrawlings by a really young human, presents that I've received and as I was flipping through it, I saw the last thing that you gave to me.
I kept everything intact. And when I say everything, I mean, the item, and the memory that comes attached to it.
I find myself asking why this whole issue has been weighing me down so much even though I know that I've completely put my emotions to a halt and is able to completely abort the ability to feel and care for you, the way I used to.
I guess it's only right for me to say that there's a price to pay for everything. Even for not feeling and caring for you, since I've convinced myself to accept the truth, face up to it like a girl (Don't get me started on the whole pregnant issue when it comes to the comparison of which gender is stronger. And oh, the monthly bleeding too.), and continue to live my life better than well, better than how it used to be, alone.
I'm not complaining about it, for I am mega proud of myself - just in case you're wondering.
But it's just that I can't help but to think of how bumpy the road have been till now for the year 2010 - Started off with me plunging all the way down to rock bottom, and seeing me climbing my way up, with lots of tears and perspiration.
&I remember telling my friend about how I wished I could spend the remaining two years of my poly life, peacefully, without any complications involving guys, emotions and relationships, yesterday, during dinner. Then again, there's no promises and we all don't know what will ever happen to us, tomorrow, aint' we?
& so here I am, embracing the month October, with an ulcer on the tip of my tongue, and having to really chiong atw for my supplementary paper on the coming wednesday. And to come and think of it, I'm already 3 hours and 9 minutes into Children's Day 2010 (time accurate as of typing)!
No. I haven't got any idea when was the last time I've actually celebrated Children's Day. Hahaha.
Till I have the time to update this space on the two outings I had with my classmates, again.
