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coolerthanthouI'm like sitting in front of my lappy with my athos shirt and pj pants, listening to blg (haven't been listening to them for like the longest time!) and the rain drumming the asphalt road outside. I'm thinking about how I seem to be able to block everything else that is not related to Grampa and school-related out of my mind.
It kind of amazes me at how some people would just give me a hug (sideways or any ways) and tell me to be upset and cry it all out if I need to, just cus I'm "allowed to" and that I "have the reasons to", instead of the usual "cheer up" thing that I always hear whenever I'm upset/not feeling myself about something.
Really? I'm allowed to and I have reasons to?
I don't really know. I always felt that I've been grieving about the same thing for far too long. I've never really moved on from where I was completely smashed. It's not because I don't have the strength to - I have plenty, from the people who still love and care about me, but because I am stubborn. I don't want to accept it. I don't want to accept the loss, the emptiness that I've felt.
I don't find it fair. I don't care if it hurts me all the time, eating me inside out and wearing me thin (as if I'm not thin enough). The truth just slaps me in my face, as if it was just a passing breeze, when in actuality, it wasn't.
I don't know how I can put my feeling and emotions about it now, in words. I can't seem to find the exact words for it. And it's time like this where I find my vocabulary bleak and irrelevant. The feeling returns and I feel like I can't even do the slightest bit for myself, not even expressing how I'm feeling in words, even though that what I self-proclaiming to do better than the rest of the list of things that I am capable of.
No. It's not the rain that's causing the formation of this post. I've had this in mind for days and only got it down now, as I'm having the time and the energy to do so. The rain is (Y) in any way! Stop complaining about the rain, you sunny-day people. The sun have got me melting over and over and it's high time for some rain!! And stop complaining as if you're made of paper.
Annoying with a capital A, I'm telling you. :@
What an useless post. I seem to be rambling all the way for my posts lately. Ugh.
Time for bed. Time for school. Time for hell.
Till my life gets better due to the CNY break and CNY itself!! (:
It kind of amazes me at how some people would just give me a hug (sideways or any ways) and tell me to be upset and cry it all out if I need to, just cus I'm "allowed to" and that I "have the reasons to", instead of the usual "cheer up" thing that I always hear whenever I'm upset/not feeling myself about something.
Really? I'm allowed to and I have reasons to?
I don't really know. I always felt that I've been grieving about the same thing for far too long. I've never really moved on from where I was completely smashed. It's not because I don't have the strength to - I have plenty, from the people who still love and care about me, but because I am stubborn. I don't want to accept it. I don't want to accept the loss, the emptiness that I've felt.
I don't find it fair. I don't care if it hurts me all the time, eating me inside out and wearing me thin (as if I'm not thin enough). The truth just slaps me in my face, as if it was just a passing breeze, when in actuality, it wasn't.
I don't know how I can put my feeling and emotions about it now, in words. I can't seem to find the exact words for it. And it's time like this where I find my vocabulary bleak and irrelevant. The feeling returns and I feel like I can't even do the slightest bit for myself, not even expressing how I'm feeling in words, even though that what I self-proclaiming to do better than the rest of the list of things that I am capable of.
No. It's not the rain that's causing the formation of this post. I've had this in mind for days and only got it down now, as I'm having the time and the energy to do so. The rain is (Y) in any way! Stop complaining about the rain, you sunny-day people. The sun have got me melting over and over and it's high time for some rain!! And stop complaining as if you're made of paper.
Annoying with a capital A, I'm telling you. :@
What an useless post. I seem to be rambling all the way for my posts lately. Ugh.
Time for bed. Time for school. Time for hell.
Till my life gets better due to the CNY break and CNY itself!! (:
