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Here comes a four-days-late of Hello. Hello there, August. (:
July ended on a really bitter note for me. I had to find out a whole lot of things that I am the most reluctant to know, and I have to deal with it because it's something that I know, would bother me no matter how far I would run away from it.
Dealt with it, and I am very surprised (in the good way, that is) with the way I have handled it, even though I know I was screwed like a crazy mad woman at the beginning phase of this whole shitty nonsense.
I can't really say that I'm proud of myself to the way I dealt with it. It's not something glorious for me to put it out like how I would with good news, of which I cannot think of any real-time examples to talk about.
But I can surely and safely say that I am building myself back up now and like any one who would have a re-match in any game that was lost the first round - you come back stronger, and much more revengeful.
Of course, I wouldn't be revengeful with my finger pointing at the specific someone who doesn't know how grave the damage that was inflicted. But this time round, I am the one who is going to push everything about it, that specific someone inclusive, away from me and into the ocean.
I am going to cut away all the strings that was once attached and burn every single bridges that was built up over that long stretch of time, considering our first meeting as strangers, till and to who and where we are now.
I am very glad that when this shitty ordeal happened to me, I have the most supportive people around me, listening to my angsty whatnots and giving in to me when I was seriously not in my best form during project meetings or discussions for most of the time. Plus all these nonsense added to the amount of stress I already had for my schoolwork, and they just keep piling up until my body can take it no more - The feeling of throwing up keeps surfacing whenever it's time for meals and whenever I try to put food near my mouth.
Yes, I am never good in handling stress. Even my body is telling me so. )':
And I keep telling myself that there is a reason as to why my favourite quote remains as a favourite quote, unlike how some people can have their feelings fade (oops!! :P), is because it's true.
July ended on a really bitter note for me. I had to find out a whole lot of things that I am the most reluctant to know, and I have to deal with it because it's something that I know, would bother me no matter how far I would run away from it.
Dealt with it, and I am very surprised (in the good way, that is) with the way I have handled it, even though I know I was screwed like a crazy mad woman at the beginning phase of this whole shitty nonsense.
I can't really say that I'm proud of myself to the way I dealt with it. It's not something glorious for me to put it out like how I would with good news, of which I cannot think of any real-time examples to talk about.
But I can surely and safely say that I am building myself back up now and like any one who would have a re-match in any game that was lost the first round - you come back stronger, and much more revengeful.
Of course, I wouldn't be revengeful with my finger pointing at the specific someone who doesn't know how grave the damage that was inflicted. But this time round, I am the one who is going to push everything about it, that specific someone inclusive, away from me and into the ocean.
I am going to cut away all the strings that was once attached and burn every single bridges that was built up over that long stretch of time, considering our first meeting as strangers, till and to who and where we are now.
I am very glad that when this shitty ordeal happened to me, I have the most supportive people around me, listening to my angsty whatnots and giving in to me when I was seriously not in my best form during project meetings or discussions for most of the time. Plus all these nonsense added to the amount of stress I already had for my schoolwork, and they just keep piling up until my body can take it no more - The feeling of throwing up keeps surfacing whenever it's time for meals and whenever I try to put food near my mouth.
Yes, I am never good in handling stress. Even my body is telling me so. )':
And I keep telling myself that there is a reason as to why my favourite quote remains as a favourite quote, unlike how some people can have their feelings fade (oops!! :P), is because it's true.
True that things really happen for a reason.
I have sat through nights thinking and remembering every single thing that happened - from the start till the very end, which is now.
I have learnt so much. So much that I would never ever have imagined myself to learn, to take and to tolerate. I would seriously kill someone if I were to do it all over again, and when it all ends and dies down like this. I am really really glad.
Glad that my heart is so still now, albeit the crack lines will always be visible and crooked no matter how much effort I were to put in to mend it. (':
August saw me through a few sickly moments but please don't let it last!!
August is also when Hungry Ghost Festival kicks off with the burning of offerings which never seem to make me tear and also when my friends start to fast.
August is also when my projects meets their deadlines and also semester exams starts peeking through.
It's gonna be quite a month, but I know I will survive.
I have to.
X,
Tillagain.
