the shame, the horror, and the despair.

For once, i thought my heart stopped beating, and the world spun around me.

Momsie the great went to school today, for the parent-meet-teacher session, and met with Wulaoshi.
It's horrible, i'm telling you.

It was to my horror, that i merely scraped through the criteria for promotion. I was even horrified that my combined humans, were a grade U, due to my SS, that brought me the shame, and despair. And, looking at the other subjects, I couldn't help it, and i sorta break down, there, in front of Wulaoshi, and Momsie the great.

I couln't accept the fact that my grades were that horrible, despite my muggings, and all that hardcore studying. And, this time, i really really studied, and this is what i get. I couldn't believe myself, at all.

I was never this affected by results before, or before this year's April, to be exact. Especially when that huge blow came and donned onto me, leaving a horrible and awful scar in me. And, whenever i get bad/not decent grades, this scar would hurt like mad, like the one on harry potter's forehead. It hurts like hell, as if i'm going to die, from this pain, or maybe heartache.
&Now, it's back, with the prove and evidence, of the report slip.

There's no way, i'm going to be in the thru-train class, and Momsie the great understood every single part of it, as she was wondering why i didn't want to get in the thru-train class nor eager for it, at first. But now, everything seems so crystal clear.

And, Wulaoshi;
I'm Sorry. I did not expect things to go out this way. I was shocked and horrified, like the way you were. It must be really ugly just now, with all that tears. I'm sorry, like really.
&You finally found that Cheryl that have been hiding behind a fake plastic smile all the time, in classes, huh?! Im sorry.

Yes, now you all know, that i'm always behind this fake smile that i've been wearing and donning it on for the past six months,(and no one actually realise that until just now) because i can't really find my genuine smile, after april, anymore.
&Maybe after all this mess, i might go on a hunt, for my genuine smile.
I really cannot stand this plastic smile, anymore. Im sick and tired of it.

So, bye people. I don't think i can go out and face the world tmrw.
I shall go and emo my night away, and remove my mask tmrw, for school.

BYE PEOPLE.