Some private post kind of entry. HAHAHA!
Mar. 6th, 2010 02:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coolerthanthouSometimes, all it takes is just a random comment or question to set you thinking about something and someone who've stabbed you right into your heart, causing a deep wound.
It happened to me just now, but surprising, I did not put the blame on that person who stabbed me and all.
Instead, I blame myself for letting it happen and to leave a wound in my already bruised heart.
Many a times, I tell people that we are only the victims of something unfortunate because we choose to let it hurt us and all (and also because I'm no good at consoling people). Yes, the whole cycle about your whole and entire life is about making and choosing decisions (&let's not get there since everyone have heard of that a million times, I assume).
And I am finally practicing what I preach. [No, not the one about food]
I don't think many would know about this, but ever since the great setback that I had back in 2007, knowing that results and failures could break me down that hard, I've been building walls around me, never letting things come near me, and of course, working my bestest to make sure that I would win every single "war" that I would come across.
The determination was very strong.
It was so strong that I blocked out everything that's related to fun, in actual fact.
So much so, that I eventually lose the Cheryl that never let negativity get to her and bring her down.
People call it Changes.
I seriously have no idea if that's the correct way to label it.
2 years have passed and I have sure done quite a bit to ensure that I would secure a spot of my choice in my future. I have survived and got passed many stuffs, gaining and losing quite a lot there. At the same time, I've also let everything down, &stopped building the walls.
And people got in. Some are nice and kind to me, and some slapped me in the face and stabbed me everywhere.
I sometimes call it Karma, cus I've gone all the way just to block everything else out, including friends.
I sometimes call it carelessness, for letting things happen when I could've just chose to prevent or to ignore it.
But whatever I call it, it still is my fault.
I reap what I sow, no?
And all that I think I can ever do now, is to continue my breathing and step out of it.
Life still goes on. Like how the planet Earth will never stop rotating for a mo, just for anyone.
It happened to me just now, but surprising, I did not put the blame on that person who stabbed me and all.
Instead, I blame myself for letting it happen and to leave a wound in my already bruised heart.
Many a times, I tell people that we are only the victims of something unfortunate because we choose to let it hurt us and all (and also because I'm no good at consoling people). Yes, the whole cycle about your whole and entire life is about making and choosing decisions (&let's not get there since everyone have heard of that a million times, I assume).
And I am finally practicing what I preach. [No, not the one about food]
I don't think many would know about this, but ever since the great setback that I had back in 2007, knowing that results and failures could break me down that hard, I've been building walls around me, never letting things come near me, and of course, working my bestest to make sure that I would win every single "war" that I would come across.
The determination was very strong.
It was so strong that I blocked out everything that's related to fun, in actual fact.
So much so, that I eventually lose the Cheryl that never let negativity get to her and bring her down.
People call it Changes.
I seriously have no idea if that's the correct way to label it.
2 years have passed and I have sure done quite a bit to ensure that I would secure a spot of my choice in my future. I have survived and got passed many stuffs, gaining and losing quite a lot there. At the same time, I've also let everything down, &stopped building the walls.
And people got in. Some are nice and kind to me, and some slapped me in the face and stabbed me everywhere.
I sometimes call it Karma, cus I've gone all the way just to block everything else out, including friends.
I sometimes call it carelessness, for letting things happen when I could've just chose to prevent or to ignore it.
But whatever I call it, it still is my fault.
I reap what I sow, no?
And all that I think I can ever do now, is to continue my breathing and step out of it.
Life still goes on. Like how the planet Earth will never stop rotating for a mo, just for anyone.
-
And people, if you're reading this, come for the band concert this coming 18th.
Show me some Love and give me some support? (:
Time for my pills and sleepz.
Tillagain.
And people, if you're reading this, come for the band concert this coming 18th.
Show me some Love and give me some support? (:
Time for my pills and sleepz.
Tillagain.
